Yesterday I rose before daybreak to return home to Shropshire from Dorset in the UK, where I had been staying for a few days to attend my 92 year old father’s funeral. The usual four hour journey became six due to fog, intense wind and rain and flooded roads.
Weather and thoughts seemed to merge and reflect each other’s mood with each slow mile I travelled. At times I could not see my way forward but neither could I return.
Reluctant to rise this December morn
at once willing, wanting to be gone.
But to leave him behind yet I am torn.
Out into the light not yet born
for it holds still death’s time done.
Hours are long, the road is short
veiled as I too by dense dark haze.
The wheels turn as my mind too, wrought
with turmoil as child and I fought,
cradling the infant with gentle gaze.
Refusing to be settled, the infant made cry
even as I soothed the adult joined child
“depart not my father, you cannot die.
Leave us not with questions why”
in unison now with sentiment wild.
“You cannot leave, not yet, now not.”
The question hung, then tore the fog apart –
“did you love us or did you not?”
The infant lay back in rocking cot
once more quiet, carried in my heart.