To deny or not to deny . . . to be in denial is considered a negative but is it?
by rebeccaMpells
Denial is a natural reaction to anything which may cause us discomfort or distress, to that which we did not seek – illness, loss of a job or relationship. It’s a form of rejection of participation in what is. Often viewed by others through a lens of negativity and accompanied by an underlying current of judgement, someone ‘in denial’ is perceived to have failed one of life’s many tests.
But denial has a role. We find ourselves catapulted into no man’s land, somewhere between the longed for safety of the familiar past and the resisted, feared future. Shell shocked, our senses heightened and with eyes clouded by confusion, we scramble to return to the safety from whence we came, only to feel the ground give way beneath us. The more we try to no avail the further we sink ever deeper into the quagmire and risk becoming stuck. But it is also a place of self-compassion where we can reside until we’re ready to face that which in this moment feels overwhelming. A place from which acceptance can gently and tenderly coax us toward the horizon we are not yet ready to meet.
Rigid with indecision and unable to move in either direction we continue to resist, knowing that we must find the courage to journey on and the strength to step out into our future, away from the place we mourn but in which we can no longer reside. Denial provides space, it enables us to take time to dip our toe back and forth, retreat and try once more until we feel ready. Eventually the dawn of acceptance – that we cannot go back – rises within, our attention released and now free to turn toward the new horizon.
By natural progression we tire of just staring at the future unable to fully participate from the incapacity of no man’s land and the first stirrings of curiosity and frustration spur us onward. The nurturing cradle of denial now feels restrictive as we strain to see what’s happening over the horizon. The moment we step across the threshold separating resistance from readiness, carrying with us the comfort of knowing it will always be there to offer a temporary haven, we take our first tentative steps into a future full of fresh possibilities.
RHYMES&REASONS 
may steps continue
moving forward 🙂
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This is a well written post about a difficult topic that affects most of us at one time or another. Thanks for reminding us that denial is only a ‘temporary’ haven and we need a plan to move on. 🙂
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Thank you Judy.
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This struck a chord as I generally live in denial of anything that is negative or unpleasant. An old friend, cynical by nature, once chided”You live in candy land!” But when the chips are down, is that really so bad? I believe my choice to live in denial of bad things is my way of coping. My husband may have a job opportunity in Dubai. Though exciting the thought of leaving my three sisters and the comfort of life in my small town in CT is too frightening to even contemplate so I simply put it out of my head until it becomes more of a reality. The one negative to living in denial for me is absolutely putting off unpleasant decisions until I am backed against a wall. I look forward to taking a further look at your interesting blog! Have wonderful day.
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Yes Kathy, I think it is part of our coping mechanism, it gives us a chance to get used to and finally accept a change. Thank you for your thoughtful response. And good luck if you do move !
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I fell in love your great pen.
All the best, ❤
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“Either today is the first day of the rest of your life. Or the last day of the life you’ve lived.” P.R.
We are fragile. But in our vulnerability lies our strength.
Beautiful piece you wrote.
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That is so true. Thank you for reading and commenting.
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This is a very interesting perspective, and new for me. I know that sometimes it is overwhelming, to get too much information all at once.
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Yes indeed Shimon. Perhaps our instinct towards denial in challenging times gives us the space we need to deal with those feelings and process the new information. I hope all is well with you.
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An interesting perspective Rebecca! Denial is helpful as long as we recognize it as a coping strategy. Without awareness we can easily get stuck in the place we think of as the truth.
Thank you for bringing this thought into fruition!
Val xo
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Yes, denial does have a role. It’s both protecting us until we are ready to move on and provides distance when we can’t handle whatever has occurred. Breathing space as you write. And then comes the time when we step over the threshold. A very thoughtful post.
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Many thanks for reading and commenting Otto.
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